2 posts tagged “futile attempts at humour”

Dear ,

Why won't anyone read my SENSATIONAL emails?  I send EXCITING information about AMAZING once in a lifetime OFFERS & DEALS and yet no one replies.

When my husband died, the Minister for Interior of Serbian government, no one would help transfer his money.

I thought people would keep me company and see me on my WEBCAM and talk ONE to ONE but they didn't COME.  Please, you can have my REALISTIC ROLEX just if you'll talk to me.

I feel so depressed.

Even taking INCREDIBLE LOW-COST MEDIC@TI0NS like PR0Z@c and Z0L0ft hasn't improved my depression

I think I might just end it all!!!  I wonder if I can OD on  NATURAL V¦@gra?

Yours in God,

Rev Shirley MacGriffin-Bryce Jr

He had successfully avoided meeting his landlady on the staircase.        
His garret was under the roof of a high, five-storied house and was         
more like a cupboard than a room. The landlady who provided him with        
garret, dinners, and attendance, lived on the floor below, and every        
time he went out he was obliged to pass her kitchen, the door of which      
invariably stood open. And each time he passed, the young man had a         
sick, frightened feeling, which made him scowl and feel ashamed. He         
was hopelessly in debt to his landlady, and was afraid of meeting her.      
  This was not because he was cowardly and abject, quite the contrary;      
but for some time past he had been in an overstrained irritable             
condition, verging on hypochondria. He had become so completely             
absorbed in himself, and isolated from his fellows that he dreaded          
meeting, not only his landlady, but any one at all. He was crushed          
by poverty, but the anxieties of his position had of late ceased to         
weigh upon him. He had given up attending to matters of practical           
importance; he had lost all desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady      
could do had a real terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs,        
to be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering      
demands for payment, threats and complaints, and to rack his brains         
for excuses, to prevaricate, to lie- no, rather than that, he would         
creep down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen.                       
  This evening, however, on coming out into the street, he became

I recall someone saying that after WW2, lot's of nazis found gainful employment in American advertising agencies.  It was probably Noam Chomsky, he's always saying stuff like that.

Anyhoo, in a futile attempt at humour I was wondering what the nazi advertisers were getting up to these days:

1. When asked for a slogan to explain the new book shop merger, they come up with "Vee are only swallowing Borders"
2. They lose the lucrative Speilberg contract after heckling during Schindler's List
3. The decoder ring in packets of Rice Krispies is a huge success.  Until it's discovered that the secret compartment contains a cyanide capsule
4. Chaos ensues when the senior partner insists on wearing his Iron Cross to the christmas party
5. A five day brainstorming session in a top hotel to come up with a new product slogan: $80,000
   Yearly salary of the cleaner who points out that they've got the product name wrong: $8,000
   Realising that it doesn't matter that the product isn't called MasterRace: Priceless!